A thought from Love & Logic. Sometimes I remember to say it like these examples, and it really works! (I especially like the 4th point*)
Take great care of yourself by setting limits without anger, lectures, threats, or repeated warnings. Instead of trying to reconstruct through strict discipline…or walk on eggshells by remaining an outsider, use Enforceable Statements to assertively describe how they will operate. Examples include:
*I'll listen when your voice is calm.
*I'll be happy to do the extra things I do for you when I feel respected.
*I'll get that for you when I see that you've finished your chores.
*I argue at six o'clock on Saturday mornings.
*I'll let you know about that after I talk with your dad (or mom).
*I'm fine with you having that as long as you have the money to pay for it.
For more ideas on setting limits with Enforceable Statements, study our CD, Love Me Enough to Set Some Limits.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Enemies
Why was I so mean yesterday? A grouch! PMS! or something!
When I first read "Bonds That Make Us Free", I thought the very first chapter was kind of strange. Why was the author so upset with himself? He was so justified in his feelings towards his son. I even thought he managed his tongue well. What did he do so wrong? But after I read the whole book, I read that chapter again. I could see what he meant, that he had made his own son, that boy he loved so much, his enemy in his heart. I sure did that yesterday. I know why they say you're in a box regarding certain people; you feel cut off from who they really are, and who you really are.
I'm sorry I veiwed them all as enemies yesterday. (and I can't even say I managed my tongue well)
I'm glad there is a new day to start again.
When I first read "Bonds That Make Us Free", I thought the very first chapter was kind of strange. Why was the author so upset with himself? He was so justified in his feelings towards his son. I even thought he managed his tongue well. What did he do so wrong? But after I read the whole book, I read that chapter again. I could see what he meant, that he had made his own son, that boy he loved so much, his enemy in his heart. I sure did that yesterday. I know why they say you're in a box regarding certain people; you feel cut off from who they really are, and who you really are.
I'm sorry I veiwed them all as enemies yesterday. (and I can't even say I managed my tongue well)
I'm glad there is a new day to start again.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Ourselves as Parents
We have feelings of helplessness, loss of control, deep inadequacies, convincing ourselves that nothing we do can make us worthwhile and acceptable, or make a difference.
The self any of us doubts, feels ashamed or guilty about, perhaps even wishes to annihilate is not really who we are, but a fear-driven phantasm, not grounded in reality.
- thoughts from "Bonds That Make Us Free"
The self any of us doubts, feels ashamed or guilty about, perhaps even wishes to annihilate is not really who we are, but a fear-driven phantasm, not grounded in reality.
- thoughts from "Bonds That Make Us Free"
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